This is the Low Quality Article You’ve Been Looking For
Accompanied by low-res pictures to boot(leg).
Are you tired of articles that perfectly list out the 10 steps you can take to become a self-made millionaire only to find out on step 10 that you actually have to work for it?
Fear not!
This article promises none of that!
However, this article is…
- Artistic (I mean…have you seen “118627100_320802425901349_3181577212031352352_n.png”? You tell me that close up of a Japanese tofu packaging found circa 2016 is not ICONIC.)
- Vulnerable (I share the story of my most defining moment in Quarantine 2020.)
- Raw (A synonym for vulnerable because even though this article promises low quality, that doesn’t mean we don’t value variety.)
- A meme in serif font.
This is…
THE LOW QUALITY ARTICLE YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!
The Inspiration
I don’t know how this started, but I think all the pressure of wanting to write the perfect article just got to me, and I was like, “You know what? If I write an article that just bombs one day, imma be, like, totally crushed.”
So, to prepare for that, why don’t I just set the bar so low so that I can be like:
“Well, whatever you wrote can’t be as bad as that.”
And, to that, I can be like:
“You’re right, bro.”
“Anytime, bro. You know I gotchu.”
“Bro.”
“BRO.”
The Motto.
“If I can’t set the bar high, then I’ll set the bar low.” — Me, 2020.
Great.
Now, that you’ve witnessed my unfiltered thought-processes, let’s move on to those low-res pics that I promised in the subtitles.
Figure 1.1
Figure 1.2
Figure 1.1 and Figure 1.2 are snapshots of the early stages of my quarantine in 2020. I went through a phase of discovering that I can actually buy my own games now that I make my own money. (This phase was my metamorphosis.)
However, I didn’t have anything to play on except my laptop, so I found this place where you could purchase games and download them and of all the games in the shop…let me repeat…of ALL the games…I chose a game where you played as a village girl who romanced monks.
Yes, my dudes. MONKS.
And the best option?
You could play it with them having hair or no hair.
I’m sorry.
I’m deceased.
I. Could. Not.
But, I did.
Spoiler Alert: None of them were husband-material, but you get what you paid for ($9.99). Kids, this is what “adults” do when they have control of their own money. Be good and let mommies and daddies and other responsible parental guardians keep your money for you until you’re 30, okay?
Okay. Okay.
The next round of low-res pics.
Figure 2.1
Figure 2.1 is rawness in the rawest of forms.
The rawness of these carrots represents the rawness of which I am displaying my true abilities as a writer. This is me in my purest form. This is who I am. This is what I see when I don’t have my glasses.
Figure 3.1
R.I.P. Cap.
(If you know, you know you are an ELITE. TOBE FLY HIGH, my fellow brethren.)
